An UNFAITHFUL God?

A few nights back I lay awake thinking about what it is that has me so angry. Finally I wrestled with the Lord long enough that together He and I figured it out. I was mad at Him. And taking it one step further, I felt that He had been unfaithful to me. That is such a strange concept for me as I have only known Him as a loving faithful Father and cannot recall one time in my Christian life of being angry at Him. I have been a Christian since I was 6 years old, I have been in church my entire life, and I have taught my own children the importance of having an active relationship with the Lord. Never the less here I was angry at the God who created me.I felt entitled to "something" for having loved and served Him faithfully for 45 years. It only seemed fair that since I had strived so hard to be a "good" Christian that it should make a difference in the outcome of my life. WRONG - we are saved by His grace and what He has done. We live our lives by faith in what He has already done - for Him, not for what it gets us.

Feelings are a funny thing. Many people try ignoring them, they feel guilty for having them, or they allow them to change who God created them to be. Me, most of the time you only need to be around me a little while and you will know what I am feeling; If you inquire just a little I will share what it going on inside. Transparency. A word that according to many people is not a good quality to have, yet I have found that it is in our transparency that we find wholeness.It is in the truth that we are set free. It is in that freedom we are able to take our life circumstances and use them to glorify Him.

So after realizing that I was angry at the Lord, that I felt He was unfaithful to me, I began a quest of discovering just exactly what it was that led me to these feelings and drastic change in my walk with Him. Soon I realized that unfaithfulness comes in many different sizes. It is not just a spouse who betrays; a betrayal of a trusted friend can be devestating, a family member or your relationship with them might change and it has a familar aroma of unfaithfulness, your children might not seek you out as times in the past and it too can feel like betrayal while in reality it is growth on their part. Many things can lead to the feeling of betrayal and unfaithfulness by those we love.Many times it is how we look at it that make the difference.

But is God unfaithful? NEVER. He is all loving, always patient, He is kind, He is not envious, He does not seek His own. He always comes through.

This is how a conversation kinda went between God and me. It is raw so just go with me.

Robin: Lord It feels like You have been unfaithful, look at the events of our life, look at what we have lost; it feels like the unfaithfulness of a best friend, or spouse. How is this in line with what You promised me?

Lord: I have not been unfaithful to you Robin, I have always sought your best out.

Robin: It feels the same God.It hurts so deeply like years ago - 16 to be exact.

Lord: Really? I mean really Robin? Look a little closer. I was doing exactly what you asked Me for and more. I was protecting you, and making you into my image. I was giving you the desires of yours and Andy's heart. Again, I was protecting you.

Robin: It does not feel like good or protection Lord. It doesn't feel the same as times past when you were growing me into your image.

Lord: I know - it will. You will see. You will see my goodness in the lose of those you loved. You will see my protection as future days unfold. I protect my anointed, I always have. The words and ideas of men are not what you stand on but rather my words - my WORD.

Robin: Though they slay me yet will I serve thee Oh Lord.

So... that's just a little insight into my prayer life...raw, but true.

God is always faithful, always knowing, and for those who seek him, ALWAYS, protecting and preparing for the things that will glorify Him.

We see deamly... now to make up for lost time.