I set this blog up one year ago - I blogged 1 time. It has been quite an interesting year to say the least. In this past year I have married off two children, and had my first grand child (the highlight of my life so far),graduated with my MS in Marriage and Family Therapy, and gone back to work full time. But, it is true, grand babies are "the best" - Laura Kate's arrival has been the best gift of the year.
About 2 months ago the Lord began working in my heart. Drawing me to something fresh. He was calling me to be desperate for Him. You see, not only have I not blogged for a year; but I have sat on the sidelines of my Christian walk for maybe the first time in my life. I set my will against His for the first time as a Christian. I have been a Christian for 44 years and not once in that time can I remember making a conscious decision to set my will in an opposite direction from God. Oh I did not choose sin - just stubbornness. I was tired. Tired of the fast paced "pastors wife" life, tired of being at church every time the doors opened, tired of smiling when I didn't want to, and tired of being hurt and disappointed by Christian friends whom I trusted over and over year after year. I was just tired. So I took the year off. I went on vacation from "service" to the Lord. Did you know that as Christians that is not an option. Not really. When we are saved, truly changed for Christ, no matter what our age, we are His. That means He decides what course our lives go - not us.
Well, He was patient, he was loving. He never stopped talking to me, or wooing my heart. He kept pursuing me. He never gave up. A funny thing about a personal relationship with a life changing God. He doesn't grow tired of loving us. His love is the ultimate in unconditional love. That's what captured my heart. One day I was worshiping in church and His love just grabbed me. It literally took me to the floor and that has been where I have wanted to be ever since.
I am on a desperate quest for the lover of my soul. When I am in His presence I just want to be on my face. I want to take my shoes off because I am in the presence of a King. I want to bow before Him and gaze into His holiness. I want to see Him - to feel His presence in my life. I am so desperate for HIM that if the church was open and praise and worship was going on 24/7 I would so be there.
Jesus I love you and I am desperate to be near you. I am desperate to seek after the things of Your spirit, Your truths, and Your ways. Show me the path.
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